Types of toxic personalities you should avoid in relationships

Any relationship is always a game with specific rules and certain types of players. And while some play fair and correct, others often use various tricks, ultimately leading to toxic relationships. If you meet a person on a dating site for divorced people, you have a chance to chat with them before the meeting, find out their story and see if they have any red flags that they took out of a previous relationship.Often we can not realize that we fell for the bait of a manipulator, and being in a relationship with toxic people, we begin to destroy ourselves. The bad news is that everyone has at least once been in a relationship with a toxic partner or even been one themselves. The good news is that psychologists have long learned to work with toxic personalities and help people build healthy relationships. In this article, we have prepared some tips for you on recognizing toxic relationships and getting out of them towards a better future.

8 types of toxic personalities

1. Devaluer

Often such a toxic partner appears in the life of a person whose self-esteem is not at a healthy point. The devaluers will do everything to make their victim feel inferior: they will criticize the appearance, life, emotions of the other person, and even how they think of themselves. If you are in a relationship with this toxic person, one day, you may find that you no longer believe in yourself and your ability to build healthy, strong relationships.

How to fight?

Ask yourself if what the devaluer is telling you is accurate. If they criticize your clothes, ask yourself - why do you choose them, do you like them, how do others react to your clothes? You will be surprised, but often the words of the devaluer have nothing to do with reality. Remind yourself that you are a complete person who has the right to live, feel, and express yourself in the way that seems right for you. And if your partner is trying to convince you otherwise, you should consider whether this is the person who is destined to be with you.

2. Hysterical

At first, such a partner may seem to have descended from the pages of a love story. They're passionate, sensitive, and capable of beautiful words and deeds. In return, they will require only one thing - constant and unconditional attention to their every-second-mood swings. In the end, such a toxic partner will exhaust you and leave no room for healthy feelings.

How to fight?

Remember that other people's emotions are not your responsibility. Of course, we all try to do good deeds so as not to hurt the freedom and feelings of other people, but someone else's space should end where yours begins. Do not let someone else's mood and emotions influence you; remember that you first need to think about what worries you.

3. The "We" guy

Most relationship articles say, "If your partner has started using the word 'we,' you're on your way to a serious relationship." But the truth is, "we" guys can also be toxic. Such people often decide everything for you, claiming that "we" will be better off that way. They limit your freedom and cut off all your social contacts, but in the end, they leave their soulmate as "they need someone original, with a fresh point of view."

How to fight?

Do not forget about yourself no matter how good you feel with your partner. Do you remember what kind of life you led before this person appeared? What were your hobbies? How often did you see your friends? What did you dream about? Remember how great it was to feel independent – and don't give up without a fight if someone tries to dissolve your personality into a toxic "we."

4. Restless

This partner can be found among all genders. Even in a relationship, they constantly look around for someone better. Sometimes they can gaslight you, telling you that your jealousy is entirely unfounded, and sometimes they don't even try to hide that they don't mind flirting with someone else. Such toxic partners significantly lower self-esteem and make you doubt loyalty and devotion are not empty phrases.

How to fight?

The best thing you can do is leave such a partner. Often these people don't change, and the longer you stay in the relationship, the more trauma you get. It is better to be alone than be with a person for whom you are just a stop along the way, not a destination.

5. Depressive manipulators

This type is somewhat reminiscent of hysterics, although it causes much more emotional damage. Such people may suffer from depression or claim that they have depression and justify their wrong actions towards you. They ignore your feelings and desires, hiding behind their complex state of mind. In addition, they can keep you in a relationship by constantly manipulating your guilt: "How can you leave me when I feel so bad?"

How to fight?

If a person suffers from depression, think about whether you have the strength for such a relationship? Such a partner requires a lot of resources and is often unable to give anything in return. Remember that there is no shame in leaving a relationship in which you are not comfortable; no one has the right to impose guilt on you for your choice.

6. Liar, liar!

Pathological liars are pretty common among toxic personalities. They lie about everything – how they feel about you, where they were last Friday, and their thoughts about the current political party. It is impossible to re-educate such a person, but they can change you not for the better. You will eventually realize that you can no longer trust people.

How to fight?

Remember that not all people are like that. Most people only lie in critical situations or not to hurt you. Everything else is a toxic manipulation that needs to end. You deserve security. 

7. Disappointed

Most likely, your acquaintance began with their heartbreaking story about betrayal in their previous relationship. They were deceived and abandoned, and now they do not trust anyone and see flaws in everyone. A toxic partner will constantly try to "catch" you and arrange a whole drama if you take even one wrong step.

How to fight?

There are two possible scenarios. In the first case, your love can show a person that there are good people in addition to bad people, and they should not close their hearts to the good ones. However, this takes time and effort. In the second case, such a partner will exhaust you, and the relationship will end anyway, only you will have to carry a load of disappointment, resentment, and fear with you. If you feel unhappy in this relationship, most likely, you are moving according to the second scenario, and such a person needs to be let go.

8. Aggressor

Such a toxic type is the easiest to recognize, but breaking off a relationship with them is not so easy. They can show aggression in many ways: humiliate you, ruin your career and personal life, and even use physical violence. But every "bad" period is followed by a good one, when a person promises to change, shows you caring and support, and swears eternal love. But after a good period, a bad one comes again, and everything repeats.

How to fight?

Aggressive partners are the most dangerous. They cannot be changed. Their main weapon is your silence. If you are being physically or psychologically abused, do not be silent. Don't be afraid to tell your friends, family, or psychologist about it. There is no shame in meeting the wrong person. Your safety must come first. Be sure that people close to you will not judge you but will do everything to support and protect you.

How to stop being a toxic person?

Being in a relationship with a toxic partner is not always pleasant. But what if you are the poisonous partner? You can be someone from the list above or show it in another way: you may complain too much, stifle your partner with jealousy, or manipulate them to achieve attention. What if you want to stop it and build a healthy and happy relationship?

The first and most important step is acknowledging the problem. Have any of your partners complained about your behavior that made them feel uncomfortable? Write down traits that seem toxic to you on a piece of paper and think carefully about them. Why are you doing this? Perhaps you lack self-confidence. Maybe you didn't have an example of a healthy relationship before your eyes, and you don't know how to behave differently.

Step two. Get started. You can seek the help of a specialist – there is nothing to be ashamed of about turning to a psychotherapist with a desire to become a better person. Taking care of your mental health is the new good habit of the 21st century. A therapist can help you understand why you're behaving the way you do and how to fix it. If you don't have access to a therapist, you can find many self-help articles and books online.

Step three. Keep a positive attitude. If you acknowledge the problem, you've already half-solved it. Do not be ashamed of yourself, do not feel guilty or incomplete. It is in your hands to become a better person – this will help your relationships with friends and partners and significantly improve your perception of yourself. Relationships and love are hard work, but with the right approach, your efforts pay off with happiness and harmony. Take action!